Food is for men. Food is manly! When I say this, I’m not just talking about its consumption, like Vikings feasting on joints of mutton, swilling mead and squeezing a buxom wench… No, I’m talking about the careful hunting and gathering of ingredients, their butchering and processing, and their construction into towers of deliciousness fit for a village Chieftain!
Men so craving a curry have crossed oceans and sent armies to gather the perfect spices for their most masculine of dishes. Men with a taste for something sweet founded colonies in the new world to bring us that white golden nectar we call sugar. Raiders and marauding Pirates so desired sugar and spices that they risked their lives to take it from the East India Company with cutlass and gun. To fight off sea sickness a sailor was issued a noggin of a beverage made from the by-product of sugar called Rum, and to fight off scurvy, added lime juice and accidentally invented what would later become the Daiquiri.
Conquering new lands, conquistadores brought back to Europe the Potato, The Tomato, The Chilli Pepper, The Capsicum, Maze, Pumpkin and the most masculine of Legumes… The Bean, enjoyed the world over by any man with a can opener or opposable thumbs capable of pulling a ring pull and risking lacerations by licking the lid!
As every man must eat, every man should also know how to cook, whether that be to sustain himself, to feed his family, or to court that special someone. What sounds more appealing to a potential significant other; some oven fries and a bottle of spumante or a four course degustation with pre dinner cocktails and specially selected wines to accompany each dish? I guarantee if you chose the latter, you’ll be arousing your partner the next morning with a plate of steaming pancakes, dripping with Maple Syrup.
This is why I wish to guide every man into becoming a Culinary Barbarian©, encouraging my would be Masticating Mercenaries to learn the basics, to experiment and soon be cleaving their way into the hearts… of artichokes, and minds of their families and friends.
Peter Muir – the Culinary Barbarian