Ladies and Gentlemen, Wenches and Rogues, I am proud to announce the birth of my second born, and my first Man Child; his name is… Archer, and, if I do say so myself, I say, he has the perfect name for the son of a Culinary Barbarian. A strong, regal name. A hunter! A Warrior! A provider! When his foes hear his battle cry, they will flee in fear!Read more
North Africa, there are fewer places on the planet with more history. It is home to Rome’s greatest rival, The Empire of Carthage. The Empire’s greatest hero Hannibal, the general not the cannibal, marched his army of Phoenician Regular Troops, and European Mercenaries and elephants across the Alps to attack the Latin capital. Sure, it didn’t work well, the Romans eventually defeated them, razed Carthage and salted the earth so that nothing would ever grow again, but I say it just adds more seasoning to their dishes.Read more
Some of the best things in life are the easiest to obtain like, love, laughter, friendship, or the sacking a monastery on Lindisfarne. You don’t have to try too hard to be happy, simply take the easiest route or the path of least resistance and you too can sail home with a swag bag chock full of golden religious relics. While you’re out at sea, why not cast a net and see if you can drag in some dinner to share with some friends on the journey home.Read more
Nothing gets the heart pumping, the skin flushing, the pupils dilating and rivulets of perspiration beading down a brow quite like my favourite of spices, the chilli. It can liven up any dish; pizza and pasta, soups and salads, curries, casseroles and even cocktails, enhancing the flavours and giving a zing to the senses. We Barbarians understand that chillies are not for everyone’s pallet just as not everyone can grow a beard, or chest hair. What I’m actually saying is, if you don’t like chillies… You aren’t really a man! And this is fine; but you’re probably more comfortable sipping a shandy with our country’s Minister for Women. For those that prefer to douse their diet with a seasoning of spice… read on.Read more
A shared meal is something every barbarian loves! You’ve just returned home from raiding your neighbours from across the sea and have returned bountiful to replenish your larder with rare game, spices and exotic liquors. Fresh green, red and yellow vegetables, which have stayed crisp in the hull of your longboat, crunchy to the bite and exploding with juiciness. You have oils for cooking the most elegant of dishes with some left over for massaging the swollen belly of your spouse who is carrying your growing man-child; your barbaric legacy.Read more
Sometimes a barbarian can be spoiled for choice; do we raid to the West or to the East? We love the delectable sweet and savoury titbits from the Americas, dripping with grease, but we also have a craving for the spicy, aromatic temptations of the Orient, brimming with fire! To the Wild West of the US, we’ll have to deal with cowboys and gun slingers and to the Far East to Thailand, we’ll confront Muay Thai Boxers, fighting on the backs of elephants. Either way, this barbarian really wants to get his hands dirty, elbow deep in mess. No time for blades or irons.Read more
An Image popped into my head; “Batter”, “Coconut”. A strange thought. Then again, another flash, “Chicken” and “Curry”. So vivid, it was almost real.
Then, a voice whispered… “If you whisk it, it’ll be yum!”
I turn; no one there.Read more
When I was an adolescent I was told that those years would be the best years of my life. Teachers, my parents and old ladies at bus stops would say,
“Enjoy your life while you can, before you have responsibility and other obligations!
Clearly these people forgot the rigors of puberty; the acne, growing pains, mood swings, uncontrollable erections, unusually long showers, dealing with social cliques and most of all, being told what to do ALL THE TIME!Read more
Conformity? It’s just another word for towing the line. Being just another sheep in the flock. Playing the proverbial game. I can understand the desire to fit in, the gods know; social recognition, friends, fame, fortune, but why do that? Is it not better to love what you love to hell with those that disapprove? Did Peter Rosendahl bow to peer pressure when the world told him that there was something missing in his life? Heck no, he trained tirelessly in and day out until he became the world record holding 100m unicycle champion. Did Phil Shaw listen to his neighbours when they told him that there was an easier way to complete menial household tasks, rather than combining them with life-threatening and risky sports to create Extreme Ironing? I don’t think so.Read more
A stiff drink and a steak; is this not the recipe to win the heart of any warrior? What if this warrior was not one barbarian, but a whole hoard of warriors? What if the libations laid out before the approaching army as tribute were drank by the sacrificial beast? Well after a quick drive to the local to get more booze, you should be sure to slaughter said beast and give these Marauders the best of both worlds… Boozy Beef Tacos!Read more